The Newlywed guide to Physical Intimacy

This Newlywed's Guide to Physical Intimacy is on the market for almost two years but it caught my attention relatively recent, following some online reviews and discussions about it, including some controversies about how far the Orthodox writing can go and how open should it be in such sensitive issues such as 'physical intimacy'. 

Curious to read more and with some free time in my pocket, I decided to download the Kindle edition and spend some time reading it. It is a fast lecture, not only for someone practising 'speed reading': a simple language yet a careful choice of the words, plus some explicit illustrations that may help anyone at the beginning of the Orthodox married life. The information is useful and written in a very non-offensive way for the eyes of someone not-exposed to the such knowledge, even at a passive level. As in the case of many seminars for newly and older weds, communication is important in this stage of the life. An example of advice: 'Being sexual with each other is a unique form of communication, but that experience can be made more secure and comfortable if your verbal communication - what you each say and hear - conveys clear messages'. Easy to write, not so easy in practice, when people with a strong Orthodox/Hasidic background may not have the proper words to express what does it mean 'being sexual'. Also, there are a lot of 'superstitions' and fears as well as a lack of education in everything that has to do with the other gender and such issues need to be addressed with a lot of care and attention that goes beyond the graphic descriptions and the advice about what exactly to do when alone for the first time with a man/woman.

Somehow, the book assumes that its readers have a minimal though vague education - in the very sense of the word - about what they can can expect the first night of being a couple. 

The book is accompanied by graphic presentations and simple descriptions of the man/woman body that are helpful. As the authors have also direct experience of working directly with Orthodox couples and by far, the most appreciated part of the book for me was the one including examples of questions and advices. The responsibilities for 'making your sex life work' is the responsibility of both and in case that the problems are less about communication but of medical or haskafic nature, the immediate advice is to address the rabbi, respectively the doctor.

Not openly, but not in a hidden way either, there are hints about using toys and pornography is not overtly eliminated from the discussion ('viewing pornography is not automatically an addictive behavior'). If they say so...at the end of the day, it is a matter of personal choice that should be done in full agreement with the other member of the new family. 

The book is helpful but not enough for solving many of the issues facing a newly wed Orthodox couple. Let's hope it will be a continuation or at least an improved/expanded edition.