Jessica Fishman left the comfort of her Minnesota part of America in order to join the IDF, search for love and identity in Israel. Apparently, after almost three years, she achieved all the three objectives, but not necessarily in the way she ever imagined. She was able to be part of the office in charge with the media of the Israeli Army, but she had to deal with a lot of psychological abuse and situations when her knowledge and love for the land were not necessarily a big advantage. Love, she had it too, but ended heartbroken as she insisted to keep being with someone that for a long time was not really in love with who she really was. As for identity, her experience in Israel showed her that she cannot be anyone else but who she really is, and the various institutional and religious definitions assigned to her do not change her perception.
The fact that she realized that she can better love Israel from outside - from the diaspora - is common to many of people from the Western world - USA and Europe included. Especially if you are coming from a relatively liberal/reform background, dealing on an everyday basis with the struggle of surviving a mixture of religious and secular establishment is very frustrating. Especially when the lines between those two opposite sides of the society are so blurred.
Jessica's 'problem' was that her mother converted through a system not recognized by the Rabbinate. Therefore, although she qualified to make aliyah, she could not marry there because not officially recognized as Jewish. The boyfriend who broke his heart wanted her to convert the Orthodox way, because this was the only way they could marry. (Why she accepted to stay any second with him when it was obvious that he really had some character flows, it's hard to explain, but they say love is blind for a reason). She refused in the end and the relationship ended, but his way of accepting the Orthodox restrictions although not observant is typical for many Israeli (especially young ones): they can drive on Shabbat without regrets, but keep kosher for instance. The fact that someone who doesn't want to deal with the Rabbinate for different reasons can actually marry in Cyprus or Czech Republic and the marriage - which can be secular - is accepted by the state of Israel but however, for the divorce, it should be done through the classical Orthodox way, tells galore about how complicated this country could be sometimes.
In the end, to stay or to go is a matter of choice but many young people especially coming from America or Europe are landing to Israel with their one way ticket full of hopes and dedication for the country. They are happy to finally be part of that Jewish life they longed for in their home countries where they attended the Jewish Sunday schools and the activities of the inclusive Jewish Community Centers. After a couple of weeks only they might figure out a different reality: bureaucratic nightmare, religious discrimination or, if you are into dating, lots of rude and unreliable men that might have once a spiritual awakening and end up leaving you unless you want to join him into one way adventure (most likely not).
Books like Chutzpah&High Heels by Jessica Fishman - who after a short break(down), returned to Israel to keep living the dream - help those considering a big move to Israel to make a decision knowing all the details of the problem. After all, better have the mindset of 'no expectations, no disappointments' than to end up suffering of a kind of 'Jerusalem Syndrome'.
The book reads easy, has a lot of humour and self-irony, with some lessons learned and hilarious dating experiences. Having an idea about a country when not living there - and seldom visiting - might be a big contrast to the reality of living in that country on a daily basis. Is it possible to change something from within right now? Not sure about the answer but those who keep living there although in relative dissonance with the establishment - mostly the religious one, made their choice and could at least offer a different version of the reality.
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