How do you expect to feel after 10 days of holidays - although not fully, at least 6 full completely free days - following other holidays and warm preparations of the mind and soul?...This month was amazing and after being at one of the highest levels of happiness in my life, landing in the raw world of realities when you should work and work and work and take care of the daily chores won't be easy. All I have is to hope for the coming Shabbos and Rosh Chodesh but I am sure that till then I will change a lot and I have an impressive amount of priorities on my to-do-list. As usual, I am trying to do my best in looking for compensations and a balance.
When I woke up early this morning I felt the deep sea of unhappiness of not having any occasion to celebrating, shul going and spending quality time with my family and my close friends. In the last two weeks, more than ever I felt the shadow of a completely different and special new beginning of the year, a long process that ended up yesterday with the beginning of a new cycle of Torah reading. In less than a month we succeeded to do many changes into our lifes, and to start anew many chapters. My soul is longing for the quiet perfect time of Shabbos, but my mind is aware that it's enough for now and all we have to do is to enter into the rhtythm of the daily actions and put into practice all our learning and insights. Otherwise, how we can evaluate the degree of change? In a way, I was feeling that enough is enough but are we ever having enough of Paradise? I'd read yesterday about how hard is to start davening after years of staying away of the siddur (an experience I know very well) but once you re-enter the path, how difficult is to stop.
Fighting the sadness of going back to reality, I already started a new writing project and set up some new professional and personal objectives. The progress I made in the last hours is good and I am looking forward to new achievements and reading. It will not be an easy period of time, but I am ready to do my schedule and to welcome Chanukkah with a completely new perspective in a new place. Of course, nobody stops me to fully enjoy the time with my family and to celebrate life, after early mornings started with Modeh Ani.
b''h
Shavua tov!
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