Reading adventures: Giving up the Romance Reader

I started my discovery of Pear Abraham's books with the Romance Reader that, due to the frequent mentions in relation with Unorthodox did not impress me at the first sight. Later, I discover by myself how much the author of Unorthodox tried to copy some ideas from this book even though she is centuries of style behind. The story in itself it is not very sophisticated: Rachel Benjamin, the daughter of a Hasidic rabbi, grows up and wants to build her independence. As the oldest daughter she is supposed to be a role model and to marry first, but her hunger for knowledge and curiosity creates conflicts between her reality and the religious duties and her imaginary world. Abraham, with a background of Hasidic rebel herself, gathered in Rachel the seeds of many free-by-heart girls of the 20-21st centuries fighting with the various pressures of the religious life.

The story of Deena and Daniel from Giving Up America was more interesting for me. There are not too many characters here and the intensity of the interior conflict is different: Deena married Daniel against the warnings of his father, a Hasid from Jerusalem. Daniel cheats on her and the simple American style - 'I kissed her, so what?' - but she cannot go further, even though they decided recently to have a house of their own. The colors chosen by Deena to paint the house are telling a story about her universe and her longing for a different life. However, what does this difference mean could be the subject of another book. She does not say she would like her Hasidic life back, but more than one thing from Daniel's behaviour alienates her. She is a gentle person that still looks for herself, and the ups and downs of her inner tensions are more interesting than taking a decision as such. The talent of the author made an interesting story from a relatively simple fact and this made me look soon for other books by Pearl Abraham.

Being Proud

This article is a reminder of the story that maybe we forget about when faced with bashing from inside and outside. This moral excellence is part of our power as a community, to face any historical storms with hope and a smile on our faces. Did they realize that they can write history without us?

Shabbat Shalom!

Short note about Unorthodox

It is not the first time when I promise myself to control my temptation to purchase immediately any book which is too much discussed in the media. I did the same with the 'famous' Unorthodox and purchased it shortly after the release. I have finished the book in two days and since then I am still wondering why this book is so popular.

I saw recently a TV show dedicated to the book and I realised that, besides the good PR of the edition house, it is the topic of intimate relationships that attracts so much the non-Jewish media. Indirectly, Feldman advertises a lot the Satmars, as not few media reports are tempted to identify this sect with Hasidism, which is not true and with core Judaism, which is even less true. But, apparently, the truth is not the strong point of this book introduced as a memoir, where some lectures - as Romance Reader by Pearl Abraham - were a  more powerful source of inspiration than the daily reality, or the account of a possible hidden crime in 21st century America was introduced as a sure fact. Many would say that she has a lot of imagination, maybe too much for pretending to write a memoir.

According to many of her media appearances, the author promises to come back with new literary works and I really hope that the next will be real good writing pieces. Unorthodox failed to be one, in my opinion, and when I saw a lady at a TV show moved to tears about the exceptional qualities of the book I thought something could be wrong with the reading standards in this world. I am not a snobbish reader and I do not displace the topic. But, compared with the good writing from Hush, for example, this book is centuries behind.

As for the story in itself, it could be an interesting story, but is not presented as a personal account. The lack of measure and balance gives the impression that all Jewish families are hard with their children (''All my aunts and uncles are hard on their children, it seems to me. They berate them, embarass them, and yell at them". p. 37) or many Jewish children are left because their mothers discover that they want to stop being married to a man with psychological problems and discover their love for the same sex (the special case of Deborah Feldman's family). In comparison with most Satmar children, the rest of the Jewish children do not lear distorted stories about Zionism and the state of Israel and many girls and women are able to study and read books. We do have mothers and fathers that love us and we do not meet our shidduch in a supermarket. Sometimes I felt that Deborah Feldmans' book is in fact an example of a Satmar way of thinking, trying to suggest to the reader - not always very much informed - that it is no other true that what she is telling us. Obviously, wrong. Another example is given by the account of her first marital problems, including the practice of the mikveh, when clearly she was the victim of the lack of proper guidance. I am sure she did not have a hard life and the guidance of a rabbi and a healthy family environment was lacking, but this is only the problem, not the solution. 

Hopefully, the Jewish world is more diverse than viewed through the lenses of an ex-Satmar. 

Asifa and the knife

I did not want to write immediately after Asifa gathering in Citi Field for various reasons:

- the preparations for Shavuot

plus

- I wanted to ponder, listed to many opinions and eventually make my own opinion.

At the end of a couple of hours of watching, listening, thinking and reading, I am tempted to utter a very balanced opinion.

I am convinced that the Internet is a very useful tool and, if used correctly, it is a very efficient outreach instrument for spreading Judaism and Jewish learning. There is an amazing volume of valuable information available for free and helping Jewish individuals and communities to connect.

Sometimes, as it is the case with everything human, the sources are not correct and the interpretations should not be taken as the ultimate truth. It is always important that the base of your knowledge is built outside the Internet or at least that you have a reliable source of information and inspiration for a correct perspective. Thus you need a rabbi.

The Internet is equally a source of immodesty, abuse and dangerous anti-Semitism. But, this is an example I was very often thinking about: a knife can be used for cutting your cake or for killing your neighbours. The latter option does not prompt us to forbid the use of the knives at all. 

Some of the examples mentioned in the very well designed leaflet distributed on Citi Field - 100% processed on the computer - were not out of context: there are people destroying their marriages because spending too much time on the net or getting engaged in illicit behaviour. More than once, I realized that Internet addiction could be similar to any other addictions, because we, as humans, prefer to kill our time doing nothing than being engaged in 100% active behaviour.

But, in perspective, I see this debate compared with what the discussion about the dangers of TV were in the 70s. Nowadays, I can survive without TV, even if I grew up in a household where life without TV was considered a proof of poverty.

I had the chance to work hard to build my freedom and I am free to live without Internet, if needed. The power of living for at least 25 hours connected with the spiritual world, during Shabbat, is an example that we can save our soul from time to time. But the confrontation between yetzer hara and yetzer hatov is never ending. 

The conclusion: I will continue to use the Internet, cautious to keep my spiritual freedom and avoid immodest online gatherings. In comparison with men, women are sometimes too busy to get lost in the idle online world. 

Dressing tznius is hip and trendy

A good article about modest dressing. Elegance, in general, has to do with modesty and good taste and this is why many Jewish women would maybe need to understand that dressing in pants, for instance, is not such a trendy way of considering themselves women. Change takes time, of course.

Being Proud of our Heritage

Before getting ready for the party and the barbecue, a couple of words about what do we celebrate on Lag Ba'Omer and the meaning of Iyar 18.

The 'complainglos'

This is one of the articles that I love to read early in the morning: tonic, smart and logic: The 'complainglos' | Nate Dubin | Ops & Blogs | The Times of Israel
I am terribly annoyed sometimes by people that are in Israel complaining that they do not like what
they find and by people that did not make aliyah because complaining about the realities they do not know.
If you do not like something, try to change. If you do not like your community, go find something else. But do not complain that the others fail to be as you expect them to be.