Image via Wikipedia//Moses MaimonidesThe Talmud includes the plea, "My G-d, keep my tongue from evil, my lips from lies." Leviticus 25:17 says, "You shall not wrong one another." This has traditionally been interpreted as wronging a person with speech. It includes any statement that will embarrass, insult or deceive a person, or cause a person emotional pain or distress.
It is forbidden to even imply or suggest negative things about a person. It is forbidden to say negative things about a person, even in jest. It is likewise considered a "shade of lashon ha-ra" to say positive things about a person in the presence of his enemies, because this will encourage his enemies to say negative things to contradict you.
The types of gossips
First is Rekhilut-This type of gossip involves talking about the minute details of another person's life. The damage done by Rekhilut is relatively minor, but it can led to worse types of gossip. Halakha does not forbid telling any story about another; it forbids telling stories only if they cause harm. The difference between rekhilut and lashon ha-ra is outlined by the Rambam in Hilkhot Dei'ot (7:2): "Who is a 'rakhil' [gossip]? One who carries information and goes around from one person to the next and says, 'This is what so-and-so said'; 'This is what I heard about so-and-so.' Even if it is true – this person destroys the world."
Second is Lashon ha-ra. Lashon hara involves discrediting a person or saying negative things about a person, even if those negative things are true. True statements are even more damaging than false ones, because you can't defend yourself by disproving the negative statement if it's true! Some sources indicate that lashon ha-ra is equal in seriousness to murder, idol worship, and incest/adultery (the only three sins that you may not violate even to save a life).
Third is Motzi shem ra- This is the spreading of malicious lies. Motzi shem ra is the worst of the three and has the effect of murdering the good name of a person.
There are a few exceptional circumstances when tale-bearing is allowed, or even required. Most notably, tale-bearing is required in a Jewish court of law, because it is a mitzvah to give testimony and that mitzvah overrides the general prohibition against tale-bearing. Thus, a person is required to reveal information, even if it is something that was explicitly told in confidence, even if it will harm a person, in a Jewish court of law.
A person is also required to reveal information to protect a person from immediate, serious harm. For example, if a person hears that others are plotting to kill someone, he is required to reveal this information. That is another reason why the commandment not to go about as a tale-bearer is juxtaposed with "you shall not stand aside while your fellow's blood is shed."
In limited circumstances, one is also permitted to reveal information if someone is entering into a relationship that he would not enter if he knew certain information. For example, it may be permissible to tell a person that his prospective business partner is untrustworthy, or that a prospective spouse has a disease. This exception is subject to significant and complex limitations; however, if those limitations are satisfied, the person with the information is required to reveal it.
In all of these exceptions, a person is not permitted to reveal information if the same objective could be fulfilled without revealing information. For example, if you could talk a person out of marrying for reasons other than the disease, you may not reveal the disease.
Here are some commonly-used examples of behavior that is forbidden by this mitzvah:
- You may not call a person by a derogatory nickname, or by any other embarrassing name, even if he is used to it.
- You may not ask an uneducated person for an opinion on a scholarly matter (that would draw attention to his lack of knowledge or education).
- You may not ask a merchant how much he would sell something for if you have no intention of buying.
- You may not refer someone to another person for assistance when you know the other person cannot help (in other words, it's a violation of Jewish law to give someone the run-around!).
- You may not deceive a person, even if no harm is done by the deception; for example, you may not sell non-kosher meat to a non-Jew telling him that it is kosher, even though no harm is done to the non-Jew by this deception.
- You may not sell a person damaged goods without identifying the damage, even if the price you give is fair for the goods in their damaged condition.
- You may not offer a person a gift or invite a person to dinner if you know that the person will not accept.
- You may not compliment a person if you do not mean it.
In Hilchot Deot 7:5, Maimonides supplies a litmus test for determining whether something is or isn't Lashon Hara: Anything which, if it would be publicized, would cause the subject physical or monetary damage, or would cause him anguish or fear, is Lashon Hara.
Teshuva
Repentance, or Teshuva, involves three steps (in any order):
- Regretting one's actions
- Confessing the misdeed privately to G-d
- Committing to not repeat the error in the future
In addition, any sin one person commits against another also requires rectification:
- make amends or repay the damages
- ask for forgiveness
If someone spoke Lashon Hara, all five of the steps are required. The first three are the same as in all repentance - sincere regret, confessional prayer, and the resolve plus strategies to avoid speaking it in the future.
For a constructive purpose
In "Chafetz Chaim: A Lesson a Day" p. 132, Rabbi Yitzchak Berkowitz lists the major categories of constructive purposes for which Lashon Hara may be spoken:
To influence the subject to improve by discussing his faults with someone who can help him.
To prevent someone from being harmed by the subject, or help someone who was already harmed by the subject.
To help end a dispute between individuals which could escalate to the community level.
To help others learn from the subject's mistakes.
Before speaking Lashon Hara for a constructive purpose, the following seven conditions must be met:
- The information spoken must be completely true and witnessed or verified by the speaker. If it is impossible to verify the information yet necessary that it be passed on, the speaker must preface his remarks with a warning that the information is only hearsay and not definitely true.
- The issue must be a problem (e.g. transgression, relevant character flaw or bad behavior) from an objective viewpoint, not merely a preference or sensitivity. (For example, if a store openly encourages shoppers to sample the new grape shipment, and someone takes a few grapes rather than exactly one, it would be incorrect to consider him "greedy" or "a thief.")
- The speaker must first rebuke the subject directly, in a kind and gentle way which is likely to have an influence.
- The information cannot be exaggerated or embellished, even if it's the only way to get the listener to heed the information.
- The intention of the speaker must be purely to help in the situation, not to degrade the subject or cause him shame.
- If the constructive purpose intended by the speaker can be achieved in a way other than speaking Lashon Hara, the speaker should resort to that other method.
- Any damage that is caused to the subject as a result of the Lashon Hara should not exceed that which would be decreed by a Beit Din (Jewish court) if the case were reviewed there. This is difficult to evaluate, so that situations that impact the livelihood or other areas of the subject should be referred to a Beit Din.
Sources: http://www.torah.org/learning/halashon/review3.html
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