There are different kinds of Torah teachers

Shavuos is one of the best times of the year to think about teachers and ways of teaching Torah. This year, I was not too tired, so I spent the whole night taking part to different shiurim, focused on catching up with the style of the teacher as well. 

First, it was the rebbetzen, speaking passionately about the story of Ruth, discussing, asking and answering questions, using her notes for bringing more ideas, but generally enjoying the dialogue rather than the monologue, translating the story of Ruth into our daily life. As I always had serious struggles to really go into the deep sense of this megillah, I had enough food for thought for the next days. And energy to keep up with the learning for the rest of the night.

After, I moved into a more complicated register, keeping up with the discussion about Shavuos and its signification, but through the reading of texts in Hebrew with translation, discussion line by line in a systematic way. After a while, around 2 o'clock, one might feel tired and exhausted, but between trying to read the proper Hebrew and investigating the sense of a word, the time passed very fast and didn't acknowledged that it's already 4 o'clock. I did learn a lot of new things here as well, even though I cannot openly say that I fully enjoy the intellectual discussion, as it was rather a monologue, with a couple of questions and different short observations from the participants. 

And there are always the very interesting shiurim of the rav, whose style took me a while to understand. He starts explaining a word, and the context, and goes further on with clear analysis looking for the hidden meaning. Everything told with a quiet voice, like counting the seconds before telling something new. We should be cautious yet respectful when talking about Torah.

Three different styles of teaching Torah the same learning. As for me, I never have enough of learning more and discovering new teachers helping me to find more meanings. 

Learning Torah

How much I envy the men sometimes, that can put aside their time for Torah and organize their entire daily schedule around the real priorities in life. A man may need to work a lot to bring money home and when possible, to take a break when learning with a chevruta and davening.

As a woman, there are always priorities that need to be fixed, children getting sick over night, unexpected guests for Shabbos, shopping and domestic chores. Maybe your chavruta is going through the some problems and at the end of the week, you might discover that besides the name of the parasha - that is written in the calendar anyway - and some vague memories from the old school time, you don't know too much and you skipped again the proper learning. 

I am trying to constantly learn more or less regularly for years. I am also working, but from home and taking care of a complex household and even dare sometimes to have a limited social life. Recently, I decided to offer help to my shul, because I felt compelled to help people that did so much for me and my family in the last years and especially months. A couple of weeks ago I realized how my Torah learning is decreasing and started to feel not only embarrassed, but equally scared that my already superficial knowledge will soon dissipate without constant new fresh learning.

On fasting days, the lack of water makes me suffer physically. Torah is considered our spiritual water.

While struggling with my lack of strength to continue with at least one serious hour of learning per day, I realized how different is this learning from all the others. In the case of history, or literature or even for a foreign language, there will always be a limit beyond which one can consider him or herself an 'expert', after spending a considerable amount of time immersed in study. In the case of Torah, there is a permanent duty to keep ourself busy with its learning because the immensity of knowledge is infinite for the human mind and the lack of continuity leads to a considerable diminishing of the learning itself. 

And G-d knows how much I need this water!

The end of 5773. The new beginnings

There are only a couple of hours left from 5773. The new beginnings are always exciting, especially for me, but till then, I still need to finish arranging some plates and to read my Tehillim portion for today. 

I can't imagine how far I was one year ago and how many accomplishment I did in the last months: a lot of learning and reading, a lot of mitzvot, thanks to the wonderful people I have around me, that asked me to be part of their endeavours. I had the chance to understand a lot about shalom, need to help those in need and stop being judgemental. I offered myself to help with an open heart, as my mother z''l used to do. 

A special rav said recently that when the grandchildren keep Yiddishkeit, their grandparents were deeply committed Yidden. I do not have any memories of my grandparents and my parents did not have too much time to know their parents either, but somehow, the pride of being what we are and the fight for making this world a better place for us, without being pushed to assimilate helped me to go beyond survival. Thinking about the tragic fate of my grandparents keeps the flame burning and determined my decision for a committed Yiddishe life. 

I've read that Ramhal said that before Moshiach will come, there will be some terrible times when the Jews will get away from belief, but will return individually, each and every one of them fully convinced about their commitment. Those of us who decided to return in humility and have the chutzpah of a fully observant life, against all odds and ironies can be an example that everything is possible when your will is strong. It also shows that it is important to keep from being judgemental, and appreciate the beautiful soul of every Yid who is back. All of us, regardless of the years spend in the yeshiva, we have so much to learn from each other and from the wise people before us. 

I will daven for a good year, for more mitzvos and for more learning. As for my blogging life, after one year of intense learning and another one of intense practising, I hope that I reached the right balance for being able to spend more sharing my thoughts and experiences. I also prepare a project aimed to focus on the Jewish historical heritage iy''H and to continue exploring the Jewish literature of the diaspora and from Israel. I also hope that in the next months to have more posts in Hebrew and to expand my learning and knowledge to Hebrew and Yiddish literature. 

May it be a new and happy year for everyone, healthy and peaceful, with enough challenges that may help us to see what it really matters in life!

Shana tova!