My story starts with a very common line used I suppose by many Jewish mothers of boys, when more than a person stops me on the street to tell me how beautiful my 'daughter' is. Followed by the person's disappointment or surprise when I say that in fact he is my son. And ending up with me hurrying up to move on, not keen to share the secret of the long hair.
Although I took the tradition for granted, I recently realized myself that I rarely went too much into the deep reasons of it. And, as in the case of any tradition, it may have some aspects that are not necessarily 100% clearly traced in texts and commentaries.
Called upsherin - from the Yiddish upsher, to sher off - or chalakah for the Oriental Jews - the Arabic word for haircut - the tradition spread from the 16th century on. It was officially mentioned in Sha'ar Hakavanot, by Rabbi Chaim Vital, a student of Rabbi Isaac Luria, ARIZaL the mystic from Safed. According to Vital and ARIZaL disciples, the holy rabbi went to Meron for the first haircut of his son, the burial site of the Rabbi Shimon ben Yohai, the author of the mystical book of the Zohar.
There are several reasons why the hair of a young boy should not be cut until the third year of life. The tradition is compared with the idea of orlah, according to which one is not allowed to eat the fruit from a tree during the first three years of life. Similarly, a child is considered as a young fruit, growing up and absorbing as a sponge all the influences of the environment. After this age, he is able to give back and start doing mitzvot. The main changes he is going through is that, from now on, he may wear kippah and tzitzit. Learning Shma is also part of the new learning schedule. A local tradition is to give to small boys plastic Hebrew alphabet frames and put some honey on the letters. Licking the honey, the little boy will think about learning as an exercise as sweet as honey. (Well, you lost me a bit on this, thus better let's go to the next paragraph...)
The sources of the comparisons with the tree are traceable in three places: 'A person is like the tree of a field' (Deut.), 'He will be like a tree planted in the water' (Jer.), and 'For as the days of the tree should be the days of my people' (Isaiah). I particularly love the comparison between a person and a tree, as it involves the idea of developing and growing up, while having the roots well fixed into the ground. Between earth and heaven, the child needs the help and support of the parents for settling in the right soil.
In addition to the Biblical sources, there is also a superstition associated with the tradition. It is said that demons are particularly interested to steal little boys, thus, when the hair is long, they may be confused. As for now, I didn't trace the origin of this superstition..
In Israel and also abroad, there are many haircuts done on the Lag Ba'omer a relatively minor celebration that received in the last centuries deep Kabbalistic meanings, celebrating among others also the death of Rabbi Shimon ben Yochai. People hurry to go to its tomb in Meron, where huge celebrations, with barbecue and drinking and dancing are done. As there are many days when haircutting is forbidden, it is important to ask the opinion of your local Rabbi regarding the recommended time.
The ceremony in itself - embraced equally by religious and non-religious Jews, on traditional reasons - can be either hold at a synagogue, or if in Israel, maybe at Meron or a holy place, at the tomb of a tzaddik, or just at home, with a modest celebration being organised, with thematic food motives. A wise person - usually a rabbi - is supposed to cut the first lock, the work being continued by a barber. The religious Jews leave the side locks - peyot - intact. Another tradition is to weight the hair off and to give the same amount of money as tzedaka - charity.
As for us, it is quite early to set up a plan for our upsherin party. I am fully enjoying every moment with my son preparing the ground for a strong tree.
