Book Review: Seven Blessings by Ruchama King

There is more than one question that those who did not marry young will ask, regardless if religious or not: what does it make it a good match? What can you do - besides being blacklisted by matchmakers - when no one is good enough for you?

The characters in Seven Blessings - allusion to the sheva brachot celebrated in the weeks after the wedding - are faced with difficult questions about love, relationships and trust, while looking for that life partner projected by the religious family model. It applies to both women and men, most of them in their late 30s, with different religious/observant backgrounds. They belong to the so-called 'Anglo' communities - English-speaking professionals that made aliya.

Being religious doesn't make the choices easier compared to the secular world and the deep questioning of the characters applies easily to the non-religious dilemma. 

The religious world itself changed tremendously and admirably Ruchama King is featuring women deeply involved in the study of the Torah, that besides a job and a busy family life are able to put aside a couple of hours for learning the holy texts. Although limited mostly to the modern communities, it is a tremendous change unheard of a couple of years ago.

The story as well as the characters has many tensioned moments which takes the book out of the relatively limited from the literary point of view - read boring, bland - of religious novels shelf for adding it to the largest range of quality literature. The search for love, the difficulties to accommodate desire with intelligence and many other complex inner monologue singles of any age are elaborating is relevant to anyone looking for a partner, regardless the geographical location and the religious denomination - or lack thereof.

Middle Ages nostalgia

The Pope talked about salvation of the Planet...What will be next? A new crusade? Thanks to the brilliant minds which made the Internet and the evolution of technique possible, he could call for a mass mobilization easier than in the Middle Ages times.

Still surviving

Most part of the tremendous support enjoyed by religion is based on the terrible fear of dead. It's an unequal mix between pure fear and selfishness (of the kind "I want to survive at any expense, now and the illusory, but better than nothing after-life") and it is quite secure to think about a "life", your life precisely, continuing after your physical death.

Humans set-up rituals of remembering the deaths mostly to be constantly assured themselves too, when not alive, will be remembered somehow. It could be psychologically healthy and the concept of social guilt is, in some respect, compulsory for the members of a family to follow the traditions, whatever the religion or their inner beliefs. Shortly, a huge hypocrisy.
Facing the death of people you fully love is terribly painful, but it's nothing you can do about it. It's not about looking to replace to loved one(s), but to try to reorganize your life (this one you are living right now) from a different perspective, being at least happy of having at least the occasion to experience what others are looking for a whole life without necessarily ever finding. You have the taste of an authenticity, maybe impossible to find lately, but still a real life standard, not an imaginary one. This could be terribly painful too.
As an atheist, I took everything as it happened, as facts occurring into my life. Not a single moment felt the need for a prayer, and I don't have/need tombs to put flowers on it, to carefully arrange weekly or to light candles at. A one year Kaddish is nothing and by no way it would alleviate such a loss. But I tried to reorganize the happy memories into a daily life of self-respect, not acceptance of narrow-minded, denial and lies and illusions. I had the chance to know at least one single authentic individual.
Found this morning on richarddawkins.net an interesting account of an Atheist woman who found her own way of living with the grief of loosing the loved one. Without Gods.

A life without a god

One of the conclusions of this study is that the more atheistic societies tend to have a healthier social life.