This Year Lessons of Tisha B'Av

For years, mourning and fasting on Tisha b'Av was an unique moment of connection and meditation on the deep meanings of what caused the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem. This year, for the same reason, it is a great moment to figure out what I had to disconnect with some of my fellows.

I know how bad is to make difference between us and consider one better than the other - or worse. I know the destructive power of lashon hara. I know how sad and lonely is to feel isolated from your fellow Jews in galut and to realize that you have to cut ties with some of them otherwise your soul is feeling dirtied.

My mother (z'l) whose yohrzeit falls on Tisha b'Av used to teach us something. When you dress in a certain - immodest - way it is your decision to treat your body well - or not. When you decide to do not respect certain holidays and prohibitions it is your responsibility towards Gd. When you decide to eat certain non-kosher foods it will harm yourself but it is your decision to spiritually poison your body. All those decisions are aimed at harming yourself and no one else. But, when you utter certain words and to say bad things to other people , it is your decision to harm other people which is by far worse than anything you can do to yourself. The human soul is so delicate that only one single word said with hate can completely destroy its basis. 

And this is exactly what happened to me in the last years. People that used to trust or just welcome in my house and help turned against me and throw up lashon hara just because it was easier than check directly facts with the target of those slanders. Bad for them, I have my conscience clean that I helped someone in need, but still, words hurt. People that are so corrupt that you can hardly imagine, turned against because it is better always to pretend having someone against someone who knows your real value. Bad for them, they only add more deceit to an already mountain of disappointment. And there were also those who were so sour against life that just being ugly did not cost them a dime. 

I'm long healed for all of them, but the scars are still there. The scars of realizing that in the end, for my own psychological sanity, I need to start treating them with the same condescendence and even harshness as anyone else. I was not ready for this and the decision was hurtful, but had to. Living the galut in the middle of your own people is painful.

After all, the fact that we are not better than the others leave a lot of room for improvement. Open the doors for recognizing the humble humanity and kindness of any human, regardless the background received by birth. 

In a very condescending way, I am terribly sorry for those people that were unable to understand kindness and chose to attack. They might have their hurtful histories they are trying to fight against. Meeting them up was a deceiving experience but was all for the good. I am surrounded by the people I chose to have around me based on their good midot and not the Gd they pray, based on their humanity, humility and intelligence. I keep being myself, being proud of my education and background but very careful with embracing my fellows only because we share the same group stigma.

The Temple was destroyed and we were left on ourselves. Left to build our homes of peace and our souls clean. By far, most difficult than putting together stone with stone. 

This Tisha b'Av means more than ever a milestone. A milestone of me being finally able to fulfill my spiritual and human potential, freed from the mental overload and human toxicity that only broke my heart and my faith. I was able to move forward beautifully and I happy to embark on this journey.

Questions learned during the 9 Days

Every year, the sad period of the Nine Days culminating with the Tisha B'Av, are an occasion for bringing back more humility and restraint and a reconsideration of all the things that I might think there matters but in fact are not that important as I thought. In the last ten years, after the death of my mother on Tisha B'Av, the event is an even straight invitation to more reflection. Years ago, on a Tisha B'Av, I realized how much I want to learn more about Torah and decided to be part of an intensive program of learning that I keep following till today.

But I will not talk about my mother now, but about what I decided to think more about in the last weeks. For happy health reasons, this year I did not fast, but tried to limit as much as possible my eating activities and did not prepare something special during the day. The focus of the nine days this time was how we, as Jews, we can be wise enough to realise that fighting against each other, although both parts may have right, is toxic for our soul. How money and prestige and other vane promises can be put aside when it comes to the understanding and respect of our fellow Jews. Destroying - including a Temple - is so easy, no matter how many years were spent for the complicated building process. 

Can we be better person with the others? Can our leaders have more vision and see the risks of disunity before they decide to be part of a conflictual situation? Can we think twice before accusing or judging someone? Can we dare to give the advice and share our opinion when we feel that something to be decided can endanger our Jewish unity?

These are the questions that will need a long answer and more consideration in the next months. For now, the time of mourning is over and it is time to enjoy the rest of the summer and get ready for the hagim season, with its mysteries and secrets of the New Year that it is about to start soon!

Dealing with the 9 Days

My big challenges of going through the 9 Days when living in galut is to keep yourself sober in a sea of futility. There it is not always the society's fault for such an entertaining and easy view of life. This time of the year is usually the children's vacation time and at least till a certain age, it is quite difficult to explain them why they should not listen to music or make fun or play loudly in the garden. Or not going to the swimming pool. Especially when you don't have a reliable Jewish camp around, the pressure is even harder, because you are almost left alone to explain to them why 'we' are not like 'them'. 

Somehow, it has to do not always with the 9 Days, but with many of our attitudes to life in general. On Friday evening, when I go back from a communal Kabbalah Shabbat evening, we pass through a loudly disco with drunk teenagers with pink and blue heads waiting in line in the front of one of the most famous club in town. Can you think about the moment when your kids will grow up and will look at such behaviors not only with curiosity but with envy as well? One may say that the education offered by the parents will prevent them by doing so. But the parents cannot watch the kids' thoughts and there it is always a small risk. 

Back to my 9 Days dilemma, there it is always something distracting us, especially during the summer. In my thoughts, I get ready spiritually, thinking and reading about the Temple and trying to have a small table talk, but I cannot avoid a certain feeling of happiness and accomplishment when we have a new good meal, or when we read a good book or when we meet old friends - this is summer and this is what happened usually. Plus, having a work that deals with travel, it involves going in new places and sometimes really enjoying the feeling of being on the road. Or, what can I do when a client that delayed a payment for over a month finally decided to fulfil its obligations? Keep some money for tzedaka and be grateful, for instance. 

Maybe the right feeling is to remember always that it is not enough and we still have bigger and more important to do. And for those living in galut, that we should end up being satisfied with what we have, because we deserve something more. Watching to keep a certain modesty of thoughts that will prevent the blindness of self-sufficiency. I avoid to call it a tragic condition.

For Tisha B'Av

The short history of Kinot and some detailed explanations

Excerpts from the Koren HaRav Kinot

Book of Eicha

On Tisha B'Av, The Book of Lamentations is read and discussed. If you will not be able to go to the shul on Sunday, you can try at least to read this free version of Eicha which overviews the tragic moments we remember this day with the long history of persecutions of the Jewish people. 

It is a good reminder of where we are coming from and what we should stand for. A professional design and a lot of food for thought.

Shabbat Shalom!

Our home

I didn't want to talk too much about what everybody it's expecting to happen in September, when various Arab groups and factions in and outside Israel warned they would proclaim a "Palestinian state". I was extensively trying to figure out how this so-called state will look like, what the political parties will be, the ruling elites, the educational plans, the diplomatic representatives, the budget and how the money will be used (maybe for roads, schools, education). I watched years ago how new states in former Yugoslavia, for instance, were created and how difficult is to create functional states although it was provided the local infrastructure.

Nothing by far in this particular case. Instead, the "leaders" (read it the supporters of various degrees of terrorism) are preaching terror and accusing Israel of their incapacity and, why not, to but it bluntly, idiocy.

Yesterday, they fully showed what they are offering to the world: terror, by killing innocent people - children and civilians - by using all their energies to plan terrorist attacks (dear CNN or WSJ or BBC, there were terrorist without brackets and not militants or other names you called those murders, ok?).

I watched for a while the comments on the online forums: people with various mental troubles and basic education, but free access to Internet, puke their hate against Jews and Israel. Isn't something new and it is how many people are thinking in private. They chew and chew and chew the same nonsensical propagandistic messages refusing to think.

We don't have to expect too much, but to be sure that the perpetrators of all the attacks of the last days will pay the highest price. Yesterday, shortly after the news of the attacks was on air, I've been asked "what's going on there?" I answer calmly that NYC or LA or London could be as or more dangerous than the state of Israel, but that in that case I trust that the situation will be under control and will not last too long.

And if this is how they will prepare to launch their "state", I am convinced that sooner or later the world will realize how fake do they are and how dangerous is to continue supporting them. And how much they depend of their sponsors - Iran and Syria among others - for playing the permanent tension against Israel. I wish that the fine intellectuals crying for the fate of the 5 stars hotels in Gaza will wake up to the reality realizing that the Palestinians aren't welcomed in any other country but in Israel where they could work and go to school and benefit of medical treatment.

Through history, we learned how to remain united and stronger. After the lessons of Tisha B'Av is time to forgot what divide us and be united. The fundings and sponsorships will always be limited, we can't live only with hating each other and we need to reflect upon who we are. And to hurry up going back home. It's about time.

Read also:

Haarets - Palestinians ultimate goal is to make Israel disappear

Judith Levy - The day two of the new war

Jerusalem on Tisha B'Av

The sad side of the City of Gold...

Plus: Crash Course on Tisha B'Av

Android application on Tisha B'Av

The world of applications for smart phone with a Jewish topic is amazing and promise to be back one day with an evaluation of some of them. I would focus now on the Android application dedicated to Tisha B'Av, with English and Hebrew texts, easy to use and accessible from the point of view of the price.