Orthodoxed. A Film by and about Berel Solomon

 

With so many books and testimonies around the web about leaving Orthodox Judaism - in its manifolds and various representations, I often complained that more testimonies about Jews returning to their origins is essential for balancing the facts. Being an Orthodox Jew - Hassidisch, Litvisch etc. - has only a way out and no one wants to go it? In my opinion, it is a false premise, as personally I known many more people who are actually returning to faith, a phenomenon very common among people in their 30s and 40s, in Israel and abroad. There are people who mostly grew up with any or a very limited religious education who in the middle of their life, found themselves lost and in need of guidance. They started alone or as a family, by keeping kosher and Shabbes and learn Torah and create religious families. Without relying on serious data, I may assume that this is a phenomenon predominant among Judaism, as my non-Jewish friends I´ve questioned about similar moves among Muslim or Christian denomination are rather unique and are mostly the result of religious conversions, particularly when it comes to young people.

Last night I was finally offered the chance to see a challenge to the predominant narrative about Jews living the fold, as I watched Orthodoxed - available to watch for free on YouTube - by and about Berel Solomon. Berel Solomon grow up in a culturally Jewish family in Toronto, where, according to his own account, they ate pork chops on the Friday evening Shabbes table. He went to Jewish school and Jewish camps but without a proper religious education. Soon, he become part of a dysfunctional group, got involved in drug trafficking and then got into the nigh club business. He had the mind for business and even launched his own reality show. Until the pressure of his ´empty´ life was too heavy as a burden and he collapsed. 

´Looking for the truth´ he first reached to a Breslov Hassid and ended up - where many baal teshuva end - by Chabad. Diplomatically, he does not mention the group too often, although there is a flash-picture of their 7th Rebbe and he prayed to the ohel in NYC. His rhetoric suits very much the usual Chabadnik enthusted by the return to traditional values and I may say that he sounds a bit too aggressive and show-offish for my taste. After all, the return to religion does not happen overnight and no matter how much one would love to come back to traditional values, technically it is impossible as one needs time to go through the long process of understanding the complex rules of kosher and of Shabbes, among others. But there is a lot of enthusiasm for burning up the stages and starting to catch up with the time of ´unkosher´ life. 

Berel Solomon is now training in Jewish business leadership, and has a religious family. His parents were a bit shocked by his choices - although they seemed not so worried as he was a drug dealer and nightclub entertainer - but nevertheless they got used with his beard, and kapota and kippah. 

Despite my reservations towards any kind of loud declarations of faith, I am glad that a film like Orthodoxed exists and despites its imperfections and shortcomings, it offers a different take on being religious and Jewish in the modern world.

 

Un-Unorthodoxing

In the last decade, a vast repertoire of books, movies and public appearances were associated with the phenomenon of religious Jews deciding to leave the fold. Either they lost completely their faith, or were unhappy with the strict rules of their community, for gender-related reasons or simply because they wanted to pursue their academic dreams. Some of their testimonies, like the memoir of Leah Vincent (by far, one of my favorite literary work in this respect), are a dramatic account of the struggles many of those who are leaving their close-knitted communities are going through. Movies like One of Us are featuring the family drama affecting not only the parents who are breaking up with their religious past, but especially their children. Those days, it is so popular to mention Unorthodox as a reference for the isolated ´Hasidic life´ within the Satmar.

However, there is only one half of the glass. Most precisely, this half of the glass is what the wide - often non-Jewish, especially in Germany - expects to read about religious Jews: that their life is sad, mechanical, aimed at producing children and opressing women, who are forced to shave their hair after getting married and prevented from getting and education.

This article published in the Jewish Chronicle this week reminds that there is a large category of people unrepresented in the cultural and literary renditions on religious life: people that returned to religion, the so-called ba´alei tshuva or chozer b´tshuva. Of course, there is Shtisel on Netflix about a religious family from the Geula neighbourhood of Jerusalem. There is the movie Ushpizin about the Breslov couple who returned to religion. But outside the religious circles, memoirs and media stories and testimonies about this phenomenon, who is affecting a lot of Jewish families, in Israel and America particularly, there is not too much to be told. Indeed, Unorthodox is featuring the adventures of the liberated Esty in Berlin, but in the same city of Berlin, there are so many young religious families, whose members, many originary from the former Soviet Union, are people that grew up without any religious background. There are people with high academic training that are also practicant Jews. 

For the sake of diversity, I would love to read, hear and see more of those stories too. 

Another BT story goes wrong

Just another BT story who goes wrong. From a very intricate juridical story, that is the most entertaining and suspense part of the book, my selective attention focused on the ways in which two people apparently in love fell apart due to misunderstandings around religion.

After her husband dies, Isabelle decides to make aliya after a short visit to Eilat. A couple of months after, she moves first to Ra'ana and after to Tel Aviv, while facing the local bureaucracy and trying to get used with the daily life. 

Complaining about the 'bureaucratic otherness' of Israel is a common complain in many books and statements of people moving to Israel from US or Western Europe. It may look at a completely different reality, but looking a bit into the history and recent social issues facing a relatively young country, there is obviously an explanation for the gap. Israel is not a perfect country and part of moving from a country to another is facing a different culture and reality.

After a while, Isabelle is getting married with a handsome man who's becoming more and more religious. She is not and never intended to be one and this decision, that seems unilateral according to the book, but adopted without too much discussions, it seems, will set them apart. This is the part which interests me a lot. Obviously, during the BT process, there are always problems, especially if starting from a completely secular background. The first temptation is to start being 'frum' in only a couple of hours or days, as there is a miraculous pill that will delete from your mind and behavior the whole years of non-religious life. But hopefully, there is not and the 'return' takes many years and even many more mistakes. The husband, who's somehow 'famous' in Tel Aviv for being the roller skating bearded man, started the teshuva process with Chabad - not the right moment to express now what I think about it, involving his wife through various programs for women. 

After receiving the get - she is introducing the procedure in the book, but omit to mention that compared with other countries, in Israel is easier to get it compared to, for instance, America - afraid that her soon will be forced to follow a religious education, she kidnaps the kid and pays a significant amount of money for getting the boy out of Israel. 

Five years after intensive trials, the European Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg decides that she can keep the kid. At least for now, there is the end of the story. She cannot go back to Israel unless she will face 20 years of prison, he cannot see the boy. The boys grows up in Switzerland. 

I am not sure if I understood properly that the father doesn't contribute at all financially to the education of the kid. He also had apparently some violence outbursts and was shortly married once again, before getting married a third time. 

There are a lot of gaps in the story and many questions regarding the ways in which the religious change took place. Some big or small failures on the way may explain the dramatic outcome. 

Former Skinhead, currently Hasid

This is a story that in general made me think a lot: A former Polish skinhead, "against everything", is turning into observant Jew after discovering his Jewish identity. Years ago, he was showing off his negationism at Auschwitz. Now, he is speaker at Chabad conferences. 

I wanted to wait more than two hours after reading the article, as it made me think about stories I encountered in my life, about people who made the change and some that did not. The road is difficult and the journey is long. But, hopefully you will hardly recognize your old self. 

We have all the chance to return. To read the messages sent to us in various ways. Or simply not to read and think about any hidden sense, just to follow what we feel that is our way. It is not easy, the separation from the past may be painful and the main reason why many prefer to stay hidden than to start anew. If you want to return, nothing and no one will really stop to do it, except yetzer hara

What I know for sure is that we are always offered more than one choice. You do not know always how and why and for how long, but in my case, I am more than happy with my current road. 

Preparing Sukkot

The joyous festival of Sukkot is almost two days away and, as usual, a lot of preparations in sight. I must recognize that the menu isn't ready yet, but as a whole bunch of people are expecting something good and tasty for me I should hurry up (at first, with the shopping list). The pitch that my wonderful people gave me was: many fruits (salad included), interesting cooked vegetables and "you will include some 2-3 dishes with meat, isn't it?" (his desperate smile told me that some people need to live more than 2-3 leaves of vegetables).

But, before the proper practical preparations, I had some books to finish preparing the spiritual ambiance of the holiday. First, I started with a very comprehensive book, from the ArtScroll Mesorah Series, about the significance, laws and prayers. After, I followed a more specific lecture about the Halachos of the Four Species, an English and Hebrew versions, when I realized how complicate is the identification process of the kosher species. Some of the information was completely new for me. The little ones were delighted to fine out more about the coming holidays from Yaffa Ganz book on the adventures of Bina, Benny and Chaggai Hayonah.

For the whole family, the Ha-Ushpizin movie offered a lot of food for thought about faith, trust and the trials of being baal teshuva. And I randomly reminded a Rambam saying according to which a real baal teshuva is the one who when reaching the old level is not doing any sin.